item 1 >>> You might be a Baby Boomer if…you can remember when, if you wanted to buy a Mercedes-Benz, you went to a Studebaker dealer. This arrangement lasted from 1958 to 1966, and was typical of the period. Before foreign makes became dealerships in their own right, Simca was at Dodge, Opel at Buick, Vauxhall at Pontiac, Metropolitan at Rambler, the German Ford Taunus at Mercury, and Ford had a slew of British Ford models: Consul, Zephyr, Zodiac, Escort, Anglia, and Cortina. When the the Lark folded in 1966, some Studebaker dealers converted to Mercedes-Benz.
item 2 >>> DKW was another German auto imported by Studebaker, a compact. The initials originally stood for Dampf-Kraft-Wagen, or steam-driven-car. Early on they developed a 2-stroke engine called Das Knaben Wunsch, “the boy’s desire,” and it powered a successful motorcycle called Das Kleine Wunder, “the little wonder.” DKW was absorbed by Auto Union, the company that is today known as Audi.
item 3 >>> Light-houses were essential for ships navigating the treacherous shores of Cape Cod. Land-based pirates would post decoy lanterns to lure ships in, then plunder them. This trick only worked on moonless nights because even a little moonlight reflected off the water would reveal the ruse. Thus the pirates were known as Mooncussers.
item 4 >>> Funny to think that even back when we were callow youths, we had some sense of life under Communism. We had a little thing we used to sing to the Pepsodent “yellow” jingle: “You’ll wonder where your brother went, when he talks about the government.” Here are some jokes the Soviet people used to tell about themselves…like Boris, who was sentenced to 10 years, served 20, then fortunately was released ahead of time.
item 5 >>> An army private returns to his unit after taking the exam for the Officers Training Academy. I don’t think I did very well, he tells a buddy. There was a question about Julius Caesar and I said he was a stallion in the 7th Cavalry Squadron. Oh, says his buddy, I forgot to tell you, they moved him to the 6th!
item 6 >>> Armenian Radio was the butt of many question-and-answer jokes…and their motto was: “Ask us whatever you want, and we’ll answer you whatever we want.”
item 7 >>> Cranky old Russian observing the ostentatious funeral ceremony and burial of a Politburo member: “What a waste of money! We could have buried all of them!”
item 8 >>> Two drunks get on a bus. The first drunk asks the driver: Will this bus take me to Leningrad? The driver says: No, it won’t. After a pause, the second drunk asks: What about me?
item 9 >>> Here’s a joke about a college student wearing American-made jeans. The Professor asks: Why have you come to class wearing the pants of our most probable military opponent? The student answers: They are a probable war trophy.
item 10 >>> Finally, a man must share a hotel room with 5 rowdy room-mates, who drink vodka into the wee hours, while telling insulting jokes about the government. His patience exhausted, the man goes into the hallway, finds the chamber-maid and asks her to wait exactly 5 minutes, then bring a pot of tea to his room. Back in his room, he makes a big show of picking up a lamp, and speaking into the base of it, says in a loud voice: “Comrade Inspector, would you please have a pot of tea sent to this room in 5 minutes?” Sure enough, when the tea arrives 5 minutes later, the rowdy room-mates decide it’s time to call it a night. The next morning, the man awakes to discover he is alone in the room. He goes out into the hallway and asks the chamber-maid what has happened. “Early this morning,” she says, “the secret police came and arrested your friends, but you were lucky…the Comrade Inspector liked your joke with the tea!”
Never-never, I know, but here are some ideas for new Patriots uniforms anyway. BTW, why does the guy on the far right have one black shoe and one white?
shameless plugs, shmugs…
Resume and audio samples at http://home.rr.com/mastolfi