item 0 >>> Regarding that Donate button just above, see Stolf’s Blog for today at stolf.wordpress.com.
item 1 >>> Gosh, that was so much fun the other day with the Soviet-era jokes, I’m gonna do more today, and if you don’t like it, start your own blog. For example, the question was posed on Armenian Radio: What is the relative value of the pound, ruble, and dollar? Answer: A pound of rubles is worth a dollar.
item 2 >>> Also asked: Is it true that in the near future, we will order groceries on the telephone? Answer: Yes, and we will enjoy them on the television.
item 3 >>> Stories about Josef Stalin always involved people getting shot. At a crowded meeting, Stalin said to an aide: “See that man by the door? He’s an enemy of the Party.” The aide replied: “Which man? There are 4 of them.” Stalin took out a pistol and shot 3 of the men. “That one.”
item 4 >>> Or the time Stalin was giving a major speech, and someone sneezed. “Who sneezed?” he demanded. There was no response, so he shouted: “First row, stand up! Shoot them!” And the guards mowed down the first row. “Again,” said Stalin, “Who sneezed?” Again silence. “Second row, on your feet!” And down they went in a hail of bullets. “Now then, who sneezed?” From the back of the hall came a weak voice, choking back a sob: “It was m-m-me. I sneezed.” Stalin leaned forward and said: “Comrade, bless you.”
item 5 >>> Estonians were typically portrayed as nitwits. One Estonian was standing by a railroad track when a 2nd Estonian came along on a handcar, pumping up and down. The 1st Estonian says: Is it far to Petrograd? The 2nd Estonian says: No, not far. So the 1st Estonian hops on and joins in the pumping. After 4 hours, the 1st Estonian asks again: Is it far to Petrograd? The 2nd Estonian replies: Now it’s far.
item 6 >>> Yuri: My wife has been at cooking school for 3 years. Boris: She must be some cook by now. Yuri: Well, no, so far they’re only up to the Great October Socialist Revolution.
item 7 >>> The OMON (Russian Special Forces) had an intelligence test consisting of variously shaped pegs and holes. As a result, the OMON consisted of 2 groups: complete idiots and the very strong.
item 8 >>> At the opening of the 1980 Olympics in Moscow, Brezhnev begins his speech: “O!” Thunderous applause. “O!” More thunderous applause. “O! O!” A standing ovation. An aide leans over and whispers: “You don’t need to read the Olympic Rings…”
item 9 >>> A policeman stops a motorist and asks him to breathe into an alcohol detection device. It reads 0% alcohol. With the next motorist, the result is the same. This happens a dozen more times, and the policeman begins to wonder if the device is broken. So he breathes into it and looks at the reading: “Nope, still works.”
item 10 >>> And finally, we say Do svidanya to the CCCP with a joke about another picked-on ethnic group. What do you call 1 Ukrainian? A partisan. What do you call 2 Ukrainians? A partisan cell. What do you call 3 Ukrainians: A partisan cell with a traitor in their midst.
Some doodles from 2002…
Resume and audio samples at http://home.rr.com/mastolfi