item 0 >>> BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING ELSE, THINK ABOUT THIS…The only riddle I ever made up is this: The older it is, the younger you are. What is it? For the answer, see item 10.

item 1 >>> Now PlayingFunky Worm by Ohio Players Weird that their 1st hit was a novelty of sorts, then they got serious. Plays guitar without any hands. BTW, Granny was portrayed by Walter “Junie” Morrison, vocalist and keyboard player.

item 2 >>> LQQK @ †h∆†!…  The New GF I think this is kinda cute.  NO? ¡¡¡Ay Caramba!!!

item 3 >>>  I Got Your Caramba Right Here…Just for the record, Bart Simpson’s favorite phrase is a euphemism for carajo, which means penis. It’s similar to the Italitan cazzo, which is used in a bewilderingly wonderful number of ways. Most common, Col cazzo!, which imparts serious doubt, as in “My ass!”…and Sto cazzo! which seems to be a little milder, like “Yeah, sure!”  Come to think of it, that’s where Tony Soprano’s boat got its name, the Stugots II…Criminy Dutch!

item 4 >>>  How to Be a Baby Boomer part 19 ½ …It’s really true…you might be a Baby Boomer if you say “a couple of years ago…” and it turns out to be 15 or 20 years ago.  But listen, have any of you Groovy Geezers done this recently: bought something you always wanted to have, just never got a round to getting. Doesn’t have to be something big…that would be a Mid-Life Crisis…like a motorcycle. Cool Daddy bought a 1957 Imperial…he called it his Mid-Life Chrysler. But maybe something to wear. “A couple of years ago” I bought a black leather motorcycle jacket. Always wanted one…it’s really warm outside in the Winter, but oddly enough, indoors it doesn’t feel warm, you don’t have to take it off right away. Gee, maybe that’s why cows like it, duh. It’s getting pretty worn now, which makes it even better. I was inspired by I girl a knew who always wore one, just for the hell of it. Neither of us rode. In fact, sadly, no one has ever called me on it, and asked me if I ride…because I had the perfect answer ready for them: I’d point to my temple and say “Yeah, up here…”

item 5 >>> Wait For Me, Wild Bill!…Yeah, I always wanted a fringed buckskin jacket, liked Charlie Daniels is wearing. Or if you wanted to go against the grain, seems to me they came in dark brown too. Just don’t feel the urge to get one now, but still…The story I heard was the fringe wasn’t just for decoration. Indians would tie jerky or pemmican to each strip, for a handy snack. BTW Jingles, I think Joker is having a coronary…

item 6 >>> On Dragnet, Was Sgt. Friday Gay?…I take it that’s the 2011 way of asking if he had a girlfriend, right? Don’t think he did in the 1960s version, altho Merry Anders played Policewoman Dorothy Miller (left), a recurring character during the first season, Dragnet 1967 (it ran for 4 seasons.) But in the iconic 1950s version, he sure did. She was Ann Baker, played by Dorothy Abbott (right). Thing was, given the “just the facts, ma’am” nature of the show, she appeared only a handful of times…more often she was only referred to by Joe or his married partner Frank Smith. Then, we were informed, she married another police sergeant. But for the 1956 season, they did make an effort to appeal to female viewers, as this ad indicates. But again, the deal just didn’t click.

Little hard to read, here’s what it says…NEW TIME! New locale! New love? Joe Friday’s composure is shaken by a pretty police secretary played by Marjie Millar. All the excitement of real-life case histories, and a fabulous new set, representing the ultra-modern new building of the Los Angeles Police Department.

The character’s name was Sharon Maxwell, and the episode was somewhere controversial, being merely a tour of the actual new facility, interwoven with the stage sets created to look like the real thing…and no crime…”In a moment, the results of that tour…”

item 7 >>> I Gotta Get Out More, But the Attendants Won’t Let Me…As you may know, each Sunday’s Deep-Fried Hoodsie Cups is a continuing feature called Genealogy 4 Baby Boomers. Yesterday, I put together a little chart proving to my satisfaction that 2nd President John Adams and founding father Samuel Adams were indeed 2nd Cousins. Came out kinda neat, if I do say so myself.

I included in this Family Tree several of the brothers of their direct ancestors…those who were also named John, Samuel, and Joseph, altho there were many other siblings. I also mentioned that down 4 generations from clan scion Henry Adams, there were, by my count, 29 Johns, 22 Samuels, and 15 Josephs. You’re not saying you counted them all? Um, busted. Yeah, I tabulated the names of 381 descendants of old Henry. As I’ve said before, if I were getting paid to do this stuff, I’d check and double-check my findings…but as things stand, it’s just approximate. And the excellent website I was on pointed out that some of the information is still incomplete…yes, even for such a prominent American family. One male member, for example, was said to have had 12 children…but they only had data on the one that lived to adulthood, so 381 is certainly a low number.

item 7 >>> Hannah, this is Hannah, and Hannah, and Hannah…Kind of reminds me of that scene from Goodfellas, where Henry’s introducing his girlfriend to “the family,” and everyone is either named Peter or Paul. Among the Adams men, other popular names were Thomas (17), Jonathan (14), and Peter (8)…surprisingly, only 6 Henry’s. On the distaff side, Mary (26), Hannah (22), Abigail (19), Sarah (12), Elizabeth (12), and Mehitable (11). As you can see, Biblical names prevailed…Ruth, Moses, James, Rebecca…and some unusual ones too…Pelatiah, Eliashib, Keziah, and Zaccheus. But among the girls, there were a couple of strange “hippie” names…Cherry, Love, and Experience. I know, you’re thinking, Who spends a Saturday afternoon looking up this stuff? What are you, some kind of high-functioning adult autistic? What’s it called, Asperger’s Syndrome? Well, since you brought it up, I did once have a shrink run some tests. They said, no I didn’t have Asperger’s…what I had, they think, was closer to Cheeseperger’s…

item 8 >>> Studying up for an appearance on Jeopardy? Make sure you’re current on those crazy obscure opposites…like reverse/obverse…retrograde/prograde…nocturnal/diurnal…avuncular/matereral (that’s like an uncle, like an aunt)…actually found an interesting discussion on line about the opposite of “retroactive”….no, dear friends, it’s not “proactive,” that’s newly minted coinage. The consensus was “preemptive,” but nobody was really sure. So I was wondering about “distaff”…meaning the female side of a family, or relating to women in general. Used mostly as an adjective these days, but it’s actually a noun, something used in spinning, as shown here. The female side is thus also called the “spindle side.” For men, it’s “spear side”…honestly…look it up…Alex would be proud of you. But I like the ring of that, Spear & Spindle…that’s pretty much the lot of us, right? Wanna start a club?

item 9 >>> Sometime Next Week…I’m going to start an occasional “special edition” of DFHC called You Are There. Seems like when I say that, it usually turns up the next day…and it may…or may not, we’ll see. But the idea is simple: I’ll take an old magazine, and look for 8 interesting things to show you and talk about. The first is going to be LIFE, 9/18/64, and (above) is a preview I call “No Air Mail For You!” Because technically, there’s no such thing anymore…if it’s going far enough away, any piece of mail goes by air. In 2006, the US Postal Service formally trademarked “Air Mail”…the next year, it was incorporated into “First Class Mail International.” Which essentially means, globally, we don’t see groovy things like this any more arriving in the mailbox…

item 10 >>> Riddle Me This…The older it is, the younger you are. What is it? The answer is: your photograph…a picture of you. In an old one, you’re young…in a new one, you’re old. This occurred to me back in 1993 when the Postal Service asked us to vote on which picture they would use for their Elvis stamp…and it occurred to me, if you said “the old Elvis,” it could mean either! Not for nothing, but this is the best-selling US commemorative postage stamp of all time, altho I would have guessed the Kennedy stamp back in 1964. And actually, it’s close…Elvis wins 517 million to 511 million.

Wicked Ballsy

OK, who’s this? If you read the Wall Street Journal, you already know…but everybody else, whuchoo think? BTW,  I couldn’t find a color photo, but he said on his high school basketball team, their warm-up pants were orange and blue stripes…Yipes!…

visit these shameless plugs or I’ll turn this rare albino croc into a change-purse…seriously…no more games…

Podcasts at http://stolfpod.podbean.com and   http://thewholething.podbean.com

Other Daily blog at http://stolf.wordpress.com (the legendary Stolf’s Blog)

More bloggage at http://travelingcyst.blogspot.com and  http://www.examiner.com/retro-pop-culture-in-watertown/mark-john-astolfi

Resume at http://travelingcyst.blogspot.com

Audio samples coming soon…or just check the podcasts…twc-rr so still über-blows…

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