Ask Cool Daddy’s Ad Complain
Dear Cool Daddy: Is it just me, or are the ads in the Sunday paper funnier than the comic strips these days? …from Philomena, in Arkadelphia
Dear Phil: No, it’s me too. Chalk it up to the urge to sell your product…to break out from the pack…to puff up something small and silly into something dazzling and wonderful. And irresistible, while you’re at it. Here’s a good example…
Glass? Well, they say “glass” so I guess that means glass…altho maybe it just means transparent plastic. Is “glass” a color? But the part that gets me is the lunatic try at hitching their star to the 3D craze…with a “super 3D” board…mind you, not “regular 3D.” And to the extant that the illustration shows ever-so-slightly raised squares on the board, I guess that’s what they mean…but come on…what’s next…3D food?
Speaking of food…the archaic spelling “compleat” was a fad back in the 1970s…The Compleat Happy Hooker, and like that, remember? It was actually inspired by the renewed popularity of Izaak Walton’s The Compleat Angler, which first came out in 1653, when spelling was a lot more loosey-goosey. Thought it had died out, but it’s baaaaaaaack…I wonder, did anyone ever try spelling it “compleate”?
And speaking of spelling…OK, “Parker House” is correctly spelled as 2 words, but who would know or care today, right? What I’d seriously like to ask these geniuses is what’s the difference between a “Parker House Roll” and a “Parker House Style Roll”? As far as I know, altho named after a Boston restaurant, “Parker House” is now a generic term, not a trademark, or anyone’s intellectual property, as they say today. And if it was, how does putting “style” in there get you off the hook? Could Burger King offer “McDonalds Style Hamburgers”?
But speaking of trademarks…what is this, the Free Advertising Game? Can’t see this supplanting Monopoly or even Rook anytime soon, but what will they think of next…
Well, OK, bread. Now you might be tempted to think that Goldfish-shaped bread has to be the most useless invention since sliced— no, I’m not gonna say it. But I dunno…it might be fun for the kids, give ’em a little boost at the dinner table…after all, the harsh realities of life, including crust, will be setting in soon enough. But that other one confuses me…Texas Toast is from….New York? And it’s “Original”? More original than if it were Texas Toast from Texas? Well, at least they got one thing right: “Garlic, the Seasoning That Won the West!”
Ignore for the moment faux honesty-in-advertising in calling this “Paper Jamz”…did you realize that this whatever-it-is is made of cardboard, hence “paper” makes sense? What I wonder is, exactly which “pro” musicians use paper guitars? But that’s just me…and I guess you too, huh Phil?
shameless plugs ©™®…so there…
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